Referring to the Last Post...

You know what the best part about the whole incident was??
The guy I rear-ended said that he got hit the exact same way in the exact same spot two weeks ago.
So the last guy was lucky enough to hit this guy's car.
I got stuck with hitting his rental.
Hooray for me?
Yeayy...

Well Doesn't that Bode well for a Happy New Year

My car. Has taken to appearing as if it's demolished.
I rear ended this guy in a Jeep as he was turning.
Of course, his car is fine. It's a Jeep. Come on.
All he got was three miniscule holes in his bumper. They look like pen pokes.

But my car? Man oh man my car.
My hood is demolished.
and my left light casing is destroyed.
But the car works.
That's all that matters right?
well, aside from the fact that my poor car is absolutely hideous now.

Alaska, I need a break.
Make up your mind about the weather already, because my little daewoo really just does not appreciate all of these moodswings.

Despite the fact that I'm taking this as a very bad omen for my New Year
I'm going to try to move past it.
"Try" being the key word.
bahaha.

FuckMyLife

Really?

Alaska. I am very upset with you.

I'm moving to Florida.

Success

Sooo. Life's been getting easier, I'm getting happier. This vacation was much much muchly needed. Rory and I are doing great, my parents got him one of those baby jumpers that hangs from a doorframe, and heabsolutely love love looves it. I've finally had time to go out and dance my tiny little heart out while he's with his dad, and man am I sore, but it was more than worth it. I freaking owned that floor ;]

My confidence is soaring, my stress is disappearing, and my life is coming back together. If you ask me, this is probably one of my most successful vacations yet.

I own this shit, Motha Flippa

No More Ostriches. I'm a Giraffe with My Head Held High.

I believe that; scratch that. I Hope that. I am now entering a new phase. Leaving behind the who gives a fucks and entering the lets get this shit straights

I feel calmer. Slightly happier. and just a little more satisfied. I'm hoping that may be enough to get a move on. I know what I need to do. and I know what I want to do. And I've got enough clarification to separate the two.

Referring to one of my past posts: I think honesty may be the key. Well it's a start anyway. The humor really does need to stick around if I plan on getting anywhere anytime soon.

But anyway. I thought I'd just let it be known. Faith is entering a new phase. Hopefully we're not stuck with all of that dreary crap from here on out.

go stick your head in the sand.
just kidding

Satisfaction

How do you define a good start to your day? Getting on the scale and seeing a number even better than your pre-pregnancy weight, merely 4 months after giving birth. Thought running through my head? "Yesssssuh Bitchesss!" I finally beat that 125 lb hump, I'm at 122 Baby! 3 more pounds, and I shall officially be satisfied ;]

Now with a start like that, how do you keep that successful high going? Well, forgetting your lunch shouldn't usually help; But, in this case, forgetting my lunch lead to going out to get lunch, which, as a result, happened to be the first real deal meal I've had in aages. Barbecued chicken, jojo's, two types of pasta salad and a whole jug of orange juice later, My day has definitely been feeling quite victorious. No top ramen or frozen pizza for lunch for this chica, no sir not today. At this point, I'm damn near satisfied.

How do you end the day with that blissful high? Well, guess what. Anchorage has snow. And I love snow. Add to that the fact that it's the perfect kind of sticky snow, and I'm about to head out the door to make myself a snowman. Ohh, yeah. Today turned out to be awesome. And with that, I shall be satisfied. <3

[BaDumTiss]

Sunshine

Alright everyone it's time for something positive;
Christmas break is almost here
and you know what that means?
you guessed it:
More time with Rory <3

That kid is only four months old and he's already growing too big for me
seventeen pounds and my back is definitely letting me know it

he's teething
he's attempting to crawl
he's already learned to recognize his dad
learned to recognize me

already gets that expectant look in his eye
the one where he cries
and just knows that I can't keep myself from doing everything in my power to make it all better

He's wobbling his way to being able to sit on his own
halfway to crawling to his toys;
you know he lays on his tummy and slithers like a slug unti lhe reaches his destination?

lol geez.

It's crazy that I've actually reached that point
The point where I finally love another being more than I can myself
It's Beautiful
It's Amazing
and It Hurts

At this point, I don't think there could ever be a point where I could give up
Simply because that everything,
my everything,
he's here
and he's staying

[GodILoveBeingAMom}

Humor

there's a lot not to be understood in life
why me
why you
why her
why him
why this
why that
why these
why those

maybe i should quit asking these questions
take a step back
try to take it into perspective
see it from an outsiders eyes
give myself some unbiased advice

fml

thats what i've been trying to do all along

maybe i just neeed a different approach
does honesty really work?
honesty with myself
honesty with everyone else
honesty with everything else

i really dont know at this point

all that i can really tell
either perspective
either approach
they each come with a lot of ups and downs

i guess there's really no way to avoid it

that's the part that sucks the most

taking it minute by minute
hour by hour
day by day

i cant even attempt to take it by the week
much less the month
and forget about trying to take it by the year

live in the moment
try to make the best of it
find the humor in it all

sounds like the best theory so far.
just find the humor.
[it's what'll keep you going.]

fml.

My stupid life is filled with so much bull crap at this point that I'm pretty sure I'm about to explode.
At this point, I really feel that I just can't take it anymore.
I just want to shoot all of these problems down.



*bang*
you're down

*Bang*
you're dead

*BANG*
you're gone


*bang*

*Bang*

*BANG*



and there you have it.
It's all taken care of.

[as.if]

You know, If you would just open your blind eyes
Get those plugs out of your prejudiced ears
Move that bullhorn away from your blasphemous mouth

Then maybe you'd have the time to listen.

But of course

Your horse is too high.
Your mind is too set.
And no one is capable of the truth.

Except for - of course - you

Right?

I hope that all of your assumptions
all of your accusations
all of your actions

I hope they're all worth it

Because I sure as hell don't think so.

If I could
I'd scream
I'd throttle
I'd leave

But that would make you better than me

So I'll succumb.
I'll caress.
And I'll stay.

Not because I'm rolling over
And not because I'm better than you

But so I'll be there

not in the crowd
not in the shadows
but right by your side

Right there, witnessing it all
Whilst you make our whole world crumble

just so I can say:
I told you so.



Now go fuck yourself.

I Found My Outlet.

Hey all. Soo, It's been over three years since my last blog. Feels kind of awkward to be getting back into it, but life has been doing a pretty good job of kicking my ass lately, and it's time that I found an outlet.

Where to start. Well. I graduated high school. Moved in with my boyfriend. got pregnant two years later. Dumped him for another guy. Gave birth to my beautiful son, Rory Clarke <3. Turned 21. And then that guy dumped me because I wouldn't let him butt in on ladies' night out. I know. Such a keeper.

I live in the house that my parents just bought, managing their rental unit upstairs. I barely get to see my son because I need to work to pay the rent that my parents still insist that I pay. I still need to get my son's childcare all set up because I don't make enough money to pay for that and rent on my own and I've been working too much to make it to the financial aide office. I've got an appointment with a family counselor next Monday to find out how I can make sure that Rory gets to see his dad and myself as much as possible while still providing him the stability that he deserves. And yet. I'm still probably not going to see him as much as I want to over the next month because, like I said, I need to pay the bills, and it's going to take a while for childcare to get figured out. So there you go. I'm alone. I'm hurt. And I'm Broke. Oh yes life, you are doing a grand job at kicking my ass.


[OverAndOut.]
[Affirmative.]