Trust.

I've come to realize, that I am a lot more introverted and withdrawn than I originally suspected. I spend so much time thinking things over and playing out scenarios in my head, that I forget that throughout that whole duration, I haven't said a single word To anyone. I don't trust people. To trust anyone with your deeper thoughts is to trust them not to use those thoughts against you. It's to trust them not to call you two faced or indecisive when you've decided to change your mind about something, And to trust that your secrets are going to be safe with them. Too many people are untrustworthy. And too many of my thoughts are too important to me to be put in any sort of jeopardy. So I simply don't trust. While I don't trust, I try not to judge either. To judge is to decide that you don't like a being, and to have dislike only creates discontent. Discontent and dislike cause too much drama. And I've got way too many things to go over in my head to be worrying about any sort of drama.
I don't think that I care about the real world nearly as much as I care about the world inside my head. I'm not sure if that means there's something wrong with me. I'm pretty sure that in all likelihood, It's a pretty good sign of it. No one else seems to have problems with connecting with people. And while I get along with people, I don't connect. I think that links with the trust issues. There are few people that I trust, and for those that I do, I still have to remind myself that yes, this is Someone I can talk to. Yet even when I am talking and trusting, my mind is going over everything so fast, conversing debating and discussing with itself, that I forget to tell it all. And so I'm still stuck with this whole mess in my head. It gets to the point where I simply don't talk until I can pick out exactly what words there are to describe exactly what it is that I want to say. People tend to get impatient with that shit. So most of the time, it's better to just answer with, "Alright." "Okay." and "Idk."
Even if I could dish out every thought and opinion, you still have to take into consideration the fact that people are just going to stop listening after a certain period of time. Or maybe they haven't been listening all along. Either way. At some point within that conversation, you can see it written plainly on their faces and within their body language that they no longer care about where all of these words are going. "This sucks. Time to worry about my Facebook status."
One more thing: I guess I really don't discuss myself. I guess that makes sense; considering I don't trust and don't talk and shit. Apparently No one really knows anything about my life or how I grew up or what I've gone through. This whole time, I was certain of the fact that I was an open person; an open book. Turns out, I guess I'm not.


Oh, yes, indeed, Ma'am. You are quite Crazy. Maybe I should get some cats. Yup, quite Crazy.