i cant sleep.
i dreamt last night that i went to a house with some friends, and we began searching the place, and found dead mangled bodies everywhere: in the closets, in the bathroom, in the attic, under the beds.
then i woke up.
then went back to sleep.
and i was at school, in mr chmeilewskis science class, and the lights were off for some reason, and mr c told me that i had a D in his class, and there was no way to fix it, but i could definately make it worse, and that made me cry. and he gave me cigarettes and colored pencils and a soda, everything but a better grade, to make me feel better.
then i woke up.
and went back to sleep.
and i dreamt that i heard about some girl who worked at the house with all the dead people, who left the night before with a coworker, and he ended up making her strip down, raped her, then decapitated her. and left the body hanging like jesus in the house.
and i thought, oh, thats too bad.
then i was the girl, working at the house, and leaving with my coworker. and i realized that it didnt seem right, and i tried to walk away from him, but the road was icy, and i slipped. and he made me crawl, while he walked next to me.
and it was so dark outside.
he kind of skipped along, and taunted me, and lead me toward a tunnel. we went down it, and cars were all driving past, and i tried to scream for help, but no one stopped. instead they glanced over, and the guy just kind of laughed and told them i was crazy.
and they kept going.
and i was crying, crawling, and screaming for help.
and we kept going.
then i saw this girl appear in the middle of the tunnel, and i screamed for help, and she turned around and said to someone, look, down there, its that girl, the one that i heard. and her dad appeared, and the rapist tried to hide behind a pole. the dad came and picked the rapist up, and began walking away with him.
and i should have been relieved that the rapist was finally gone,
instead i knew that he was going to murder the dad and the girl, then come for me. so i tried to run out of the tunnel, and i turned on a road, and knew that i had to go to a certain house, but i didnt know where it was.
i knew that no matter where i went, the guy would find me, break into whatever barriers i put up, and kill me and whoever else was there. so i couldnt go home. but i didn't know where the empty house was. and i passed my street, and i was going to run right past. but then i thought, i could either run and try to find the empty house, not knowing how far to run, or even where i was supposed to run.
or i could run down this street, to the house where i lived with hannah and her family, and risk all of them dying just so that i could get out of the night.
and then i turned, down east 76th, to the house where hannah lived.
knowing what was going to happen next.
and woke up.
