before I go into detail, you're probably wondering who Segue is, and what the heck ear stables are.
Well, Segue is my new high school teacher, and ear staples are these staples that doctors stick in the cartilage in your ears, and basically it helps you quit smoking, lose weight, and, in Segue's case, with your equilibrium. If you want to know more, here's a link with information about ear staples: http://health.howstuffworks.com/ear-staple.htm
So anyway, Segue came to Oscarville as our new high school teacher, and a few weeks after the school year started i noticed that she had these piercings inside her ears. I thought it was wicked awesome, and was like, dude, those piercings are so cool! and she was like, yeah, they're surgical staples, and i was like for real? theyre like, really staples? and she was like, yeah, for real, and blah blah blah, I exclaimed at how amazing that was, and she was amused with my excitement.
So i was looking at her staples, and i noticed that the staple in her right ear had a bump where the staple was, so I poked and prodded with a needle, then in a stroke of genius tried to squeeze out the juices with a pair of handy paper clips. Afterwards she cleaned it, and it went away. then a few days later i noticed that there was now a bump in the left ear, then later the bump in the right one came back, and finally she exclaimed that this was ridiculous, and called her doctor for a special staple remover.
So the staple remover arrived, and it looked insane! we weren't even sure about how it was supposed to work. we tried the staple remover out on a normal staple, and get this, the staple snapped in half
so anyway, that was pretty freaky. The staple remover came with absolutely no directions, so we decided to just figure it out as we went along. I sat Segue down in her swirly teachers chair, gripped the right staple with the lethal staple remover, and gave it an expirimental tug, but the staple just would not budge. I paused, and Segue exclaimed at how much it hurt. she said she could feel the pain all the way to the other side of her head, and yes, that did make me feel bad, but I've got to admit that it kind of excited me too. Sorry if you read that Segue, I still feel bad about it hurting =]
anyway, after figuring out that tugging on the staple hurt like hell, we decided to just yank it out as fast as we could. It took about five minutes, and we had the first staple out. Not too bad. painful, but swift.
Then it was time to move on to the left ear. I decided to go with the same approach for the left staple: grip the staple, squeeze, and pull. Only, when I squeezed, it must have been to hard, because all of a sudden it looked as if I'd snapped the staple in half. This is where the scene goes to: Panic, Panic, Panic, Omg, omg, omg, we have to take it out now! With me running home shortly after to find my needle nose pliers.
Next, the scene consisted of my pulling one end of the staple, trying to get it out of her ear so that i could pull out the other half of the staple. Then, when that didn't work, i resorted to pulling on the other half, and so forth and so forth, taking turns with each half trying to figure out how to get them out. after about 10 to 15 minutes of this, I finally realized that when i pulled on one half of the staple, the other half got shorter, meaning that the staple wasn't cut in half, but had actually flipped backward in Segue's ear, leaving the ends exposed and the middle of the staple in her ear.
At this point, Segue was almost crying, and seemed exhausted from having to hold in her screams. I told her what had happened, and the information just couldnt register in her mind. I actually had to draw an illustration for her, to which she gagged, and, i think, almost fainted. Having explained to her what was wrong, we decided that we had to turn the staple around and finally pull it out.
so after five minutes of pulling and tugging, i finally got the staple turned around the right way
it was a bloody and painful ordeal, but it got done, and the staple finally flipped the right way
i told her we were ready to pull it out, and Segue was super relieved, then braced herself for the final step. i gripped the staple remover, carefully gripped the staple, so that it wouldn't flip again, and squeezed and pulled until yes, the staple finally came out
and we were done
so, it was all super disgusting and horrible and painful and exciting
and segues ear was able to heal up and not be infected, bumpy, or pussy again
and i decided that
instead of just going to college for natural and environmental sciences,
im going into premed too
<3
1 comment:
sounds quite disgusting...did you take pictures? ;-)
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