Halfbreed

When I was a baby, my family and I lived in my mom’s hometown, Tununak. We moved out when I turned 6, and since then we’ve moved from place to place in Alaska, going back to Tununak almost every summer to visit my mom’s parents. During one of these visits I met Maryanne, or as most of her Native friends and relatives called her, Piiping.

Piiping was also spending the summer with her grandparents in Tununak and spent a lot of time with Nadine, whom I also spent a lot of my time with, so we got to know each other fairly well. Over the course of time that I’d known her, I had thought that Piiping and I had become close friends because we got along real well. We biked around together a lot, hung out with a lot of the same people, and always had fun playing house.

Around mid-summer, Piiping said that she was having a birthday party at her grandma’s house. She told me and everyone else that we were all invited, that it was going to be tons of fun, and that there would even be a piñata. All of my friends and I were really excited; people rarely ever had birthday parties in Tununak, and by the sound of it this party was going to be extra fun, so everyone couldn’t wait for Piiping’s birthday party to come.

Finally, it was the day of Piiping’s birthday. Nadine and I sat on my grandma’s doorstep waiting for her arrival so that we could go to the party. The weather outside was wonderful. The sun shone brighter that day than it had any other day of that week, and the wind was gently teasing our hair. Everything and everyone seemed excited that day, the dogs playing in the streets, the birds chirping in their nests, everything was perfect.

It wasn’t long before we saw Piiping coming. She walked with enthusiasm, a smile on her face, eager to tell us that her party was ready. Her enthusiasm was contagious, for as soon as we saw her, we were smiling too. We waited for her to reach us, standing up when she finally did.

“Can we come over yet?” Nadine asked eagerly.

“Yup, you can come over, Nadine,” Piiping replied, just as eager. But I had caught my exclusion from the invitation.

“What about me, Piiping?” I asked, expecting her to remember me. “I can come too, right?” Piiping faced me, but her only reply was,

“You can’t come.” I can’t come? I thought, But you already told me yesterday that I was invited.
“Why not?” I asked carefully, trying to remain calm but apparently looking very confused.

“Because I changed my mind. You’re not invited anymore.”

“What? How come? Why’d you change you’re mind?” I asked, my calm disguise slowly disintegrating. My mind immediately started to race. What did I do? I’ve been nicer to you than everyone else, especially since you invited me to your party! I made sure that no one picked on you, and I even yelled at George for making you cry! I don’t want my invitation taken away. Why don’t you want me at your party? All of these thoughts shot through my head as I waited for her answer. Then, she told me.

“Because you’re white.”

“Because I’m White?” What? Of course I’m White. It’s written all over me.

“Yup. Only Yup’iks are allowed at my party.”

“But I am Yup’ik!” See, that’s written all over me too.

“No you’re not. You’re dad’s White, so you’re White too.”

“But my mom’s Yup’ik! That makes me Yup’ik too!”

“You’re not full Yup’ik though. So you can’t come.” She replied bluntly. Then facing Nadine she said, “Come on Nadine, we get to hit the piñata first.” With that they both turned around and walked toward Maryanne’s grandma’s house. Maryanne didn’t bother to look back at me, but Nadine glanced back several times, her face animated with apologies.

For a second I stood there, shocked. Maryanne hated me because I was White. I didn’t get to go to Maryanne’s birthday party because I was White. Everyone gets to hit the piñata but me, all because I’m White. I’m White. I’m White. I’m White.

And with that final thought I turned around, dragged myself up the stairs into my grandma’s house, then into the living room, where I sat on the couch, my face a blank slate. I sat there, surrounded by my Yup’ik family, regretting, for the first time, ever having to be White. Motionless, I remained there, trying to ignore the few tears that had broken their barricades. The tears that were now creating the trails streaming down my face, each drop of pain disposing of another piece of innocence.