Faithrowup

blood guts and gore

2009-09-30T10:49:00.000-07:00

So hola, guess what? I got to remove Segue's ear staples yesterday :) it was a gory, and horrible task. but it got done.. and it added some excitement to my moronic stay-at-home life <3
before I go into detail, you're probably wondering who Segue is, and what the heck ear stables are.
Well, Segue is my new high school teacher, and ear staples are these staples that doctors stick in the cartilage in your ears, and basically it helps you quit smoking, lose weight, and, in Segue's case, with your equilibrium. If you want to know more, here's a link with information about ear staples: http://health.howstuffworks.com/ear-staple.htm

So anyway, Segue came to Oscarville as our new high school teacher, and a few weeks after the school year started i noticed that she had these piercings inside her ears. I thought it was wicked awesome, and was like, dude, those piercings are so cool! and she was like, yeah, they're surgical staples, and i was like for real? theyre like, really staples? and she was like, yeah, for real, and blah blah blah, I exclaimed at how amazing that was, and she was amused with my excitement.

So i was looking at her staples, and i noticed that the staple in her right ear had a bump where the staple was, so I poked and prodded with a needle, then in a stroke of genius tried to squeeze out the juices with a pair of handy paper clips. Afterwards she cleaned it, and it went away. then a few days later i noticed that there was now a bump in the left ear, then later the bump in the right one came back, and finally she exclaimed that this was ridiculous, and called her doctor for a special staple remover.

So the staple remover arrived, and it looked insane! we weren't even sure about how it was supposed to work. we tried the staple remover out on a normal staple, and get this, the staple snapped in half

so anyway, that was pretty freaky. The staple remover came with absolutely no directions, so we decided to just figure it out as we went along. I sat Segue down in her swirly teachers chair, gripped the right staple with the lethal staple remover, and gave it an expirimental tug, but the staple just would not budge. I paused, and Segue exclaimed at how much it hurt. she said she could feel the pain all the way to the other side of her head, and yes, that did make me feel bad, but I've got to admit that it kind of excited me too. Sorry if you read that Segue, I still feel bad about it hurting =]

anyway, after figuring out that tugging on the staple hurt like hell, we decided to just yank it out as fast as we could. It took about five minutes, and we had the first staple out. Not too bad. painful, but swift.

Then it was time to move on to the left ear. I decided to go with the same approach for the left staple: grip the staple, squeeze, and pull. Only, when I squeezed, it must have been to hard, because all of a sudden it looked as if I'd snapped the staple in half. This is where the scene goes to: Panic, Panic, Panic, Omg, omg, omg, we have to take it out now! With me running home shortly after to find my needle nose pliers.
Next, the scene consisted of my pulling one end of the staple, trying to get it out of her ear so that i could pull out the other half of the staple. Then, when that didn't work, i resorted to pulling on the other half, and so forth and so forth, taking turns with each half trying to figure out how to get them out. after about 10 to 15 minutes of this, I finally realized that when i pulled on one half of the staple, the other half got shorter, meaning that the staple wasn't cut in half, but had actually flipped backward in Segue's ear, leaving the ends exposed and the middle of the staple in her ear.

At this point, Segue was almost crying, and seemed exhausted from having to hold in her screams. I told her what had happened, and the information just couldnt register in her mind. I actually had to draw an illustration for her, to which she gagged, and, i think, almost fainted. Having explained to her what was wrong, we decided that we had to turn the staple around and finally pull it out.

so after five minutes of pulling and tugging, i finally got the staple turned around the right way
it was a bloody and painful ordeal, but it got done, and the staple finally flipped the right way

i told her we were ready to pull it out, and Segue was super relieved, then braced herself for the final step. i gripped the staple remover, carefully gripped the staple, so that it wouldn't flip again, and squeezed and pulled until yes, the staple finally came out
and we were done

so, it was all super disgusting and horrible and painful and exciting
and segues ear was able to heal up and not be infected, bumpy, or pussy again
and i decided that
instead of just going to college for natural and environmental sciences,
im going into premed too
<3

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

2009-09-25T10:47:00.000-07:00

So we got an assignment in Writing today, and most of the point is to pick a quote and Explain why we picked it.

1. Find & post a quote
Explain why you picked it

"I am not ashamed to say that no man I ever met was my father's equal, and I never loved any other man as much."
-Hedy Lamarr

I think the quote is self-explanatory. I grew up a total Daddy's girl, and as much as he doesn't realize it, I tend to hang around guys that remind me of him. Of course, none of them are still as important.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.
-Bill Cosby

I've tended to take life like this. No matter how much something pisses me off/frustrates me/ depresses me, there's always at least a small moment when I try to laugh about it. My mom doesn't really get this, because when she's around I tend to act cynically about situations and laugh about it further. And so she gets mad. and I get even more mad. and I make even more sick jokes. and I laugh more. and she gets more frustrated. ad blah blah blah, it's bad. anyway, I try to make everything a laughing situation. Not everyone understands it.

2.Write about an event/Experience you had this week

Soo I'm not quite sure about any experiences I've had this week
I guess a lot has happened..
For one, I've been wearing pajama pants to school all week
In fact, I'm using pajama pants right now
[i never wear pajama pants!]
and, well, yeah. awkward.
That and I'm insanely tired right now
oh yeah, I'm reading my third book of the week now
I was reading Vampire kisses on Sunday and Monday,
Lovely wicked on Tuesday and Wednesday,
And I just started reading An Abundance of Katherines last night
Vampire Kisses was one of the worst books I've ever read
kind of like a Trashy Gothic Teen Romance
blergh
but Lovely Wicked was just about the best book I've ever read in my life
It was like a dark fantasy,
about faeries and faerie gods,
except the faeries were like tripped out versions of human beings, with darker natures
of course they were.
if they were tinker bell faeries, then they'd be the lamest characters for a book
Ever.
This new book, An Abundance of Katherines, looks decent. I'm afraid it might contain a little too much detail though. I can't stand it when there's an abundance of detail. That's the only instance when I can't read the whole book.
Umm so i can't really think of anything else i've done this week
well, actually i probably could. but I'm tired. and I figure I've already written enough for this post.
So rawr, I'll finish the last task and I'm done
<3

3. What blog have you been following?

As of the moment I've been following my old high school teacher, Erin's blog [erinkavanaugh.blogspot.com] .
Hers, and this one skateboarding blog, that's got a lot of skateboarding vids: Mostly Skateboarding [mostlyskateboarding.blogspot.com] . I love those blogs.

[over 'n' out]
{affirmative}

black and white

2009-09-10T10:57:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a girl that lived with her parents in the middle of nowhere
the girl was a very social girl, but there were only so many people that lived on her little island. And so naturally, she craved a little more variety, and much bigger masses of society.
Sadly, the girls parents didn't understand her need to elope with different kinds of people. They believed that she would be much better off on their little island, with the few people that they trusted, because they couldn't offer new experiences that were too extreme for their little girl.
So the girl was stuck.
Her parents told her over and over again as she got older, that once she turned eighteen, she could do whatever she wanted, including getting those brow and lip piercings she'd craved since she was a tween, and the tattoo symbolizing her and her best friend's friendship.
So the girl waited
and waited
growing more and more gray as she stayed on the drab island
finally, the girl was seventeen, and there was just a week left before her eighteenth birthday
she was so excited, and exclaimed to her mother, "just one more week, and then i can finally get those piercings!"
to which her mother replied, "only if you want to be homeless."
this puzzled the daughter.
no, it ticked her off.
She inquired, "but i thought you said i could do whatever i want when i turn eighteen?"
"oh yeah, you can do whatever you want, sure, that doesn't mean that me and your dad are going to support you. As long as you're stuck under our roof, you're still going to do as we say."
and so, ticked off, the girl waited until the next Wednesday, her eighteenth birthday, then pierced both sides of her lip, aand her brow. herself.
She walked out of her room the next morning, her mother saw her face, and kicked her out.
So the daughter moved to the town up the river, moved in with one of her friends, got a job, finished school, and discovered the art of partying. Since her parents would offer absolutely no support, the daughter found no reason to keep in touch, and so eventually forgot all about them. The parents were left not knowing what was going on with their only daughter, and weren't invited to her high school graduation. the daughter applied for scholarships with her school counselor rather than with her parents, applied for college, and left without saying goodbye.
Yes, the girl partied in college. there was absolutely no end to the parties. but she studied too. and was smart enough to get only afternoon classes, and no stupid morning classes, because she was definitely not a morning person.
The daughter graduated from college, again not inviting her parents, got her own job, started her own family, and lived a life of her own.
while her parents were stuck on their stupid island.
of course they were.
who expects to remain a part of someones life if they cant help support the choices they make, just because they dont agree.
stop sticking your head in the sand.

Sweet September

2009-09-01T20:02:00.000-07:00

So hey, the first month of school is over and done with!
whew
dude, life's been pretty hectic since school started
I've been having a lot of fun though
I figured that it's been a while since I last posted, soo,
here goes my post :)
I'm finally a senior this year
and I find it pretty hecka exciting <3
I've been getting a lot of homework,
been taking an online class, figuring out our new teacher [she seems pretty cool so far] and have been getting used to living in the middle of nowhere all over again
it's not really all that bad, although I have been fighting a cold these past few days
I've been driving in to Bethel every weekend, and I've enjoyed that
my online class is pretty fast paced, it's a lot of reading, a lot of notes, and a lot of tests
but so far so good
oh dude, I'm teaching my dog how to go for walks on a leash!
I'm quite proud of that fact
she started out yanking me all over the place, being unable to realize that there was another living being holding the other end of the leash
but after going out just four times, she's gotten better at it,
and I was even able to let her go free without her running off
I felt pretty accomplished
I'm so proud of her :)
I've been working out too
it's so cool, I've almost got a four pack!
lol I felt kind of weird at first, it felt like i was getting a little too skinny. I almost gave up and decided that not having a pot belly was fine enough.
But I've switched mind sets lately
and I've kept up the working out bit :)
omg, and I found my calculator watch!
my parents got it for me last birthday, and I lost it right before I moved to Anchorage
but right when I moved back, I found it again :)
which reminds me, my birthday is in a little over two weeks!
it's the big one eight, baby.
hecka excited <3
so anyway, that's just my really quick update
i guess all of my updates are pretty quick
Welcome back September!
I'll make another post when I remember =]
=P

Bethel Update

2009-08-02T03:41:00.000-07:00

And so, I guess that I'm back in bethel
I haven't quite reached Oscarville yet.. but you know what? that's fine with me.
I guess that everything has been an explosion of emotions ever since I got back
I love it
I don't believe I've felt this enlightened in quite a while
and I guess that it's great to just come home
okay, guessing sounds kinda mean.
it is great.
and guess what?! i just learned how to drive my dad's F250 diesel!! its a stick shift!!
muahaaahh. Eddie thought his might be cooler just because his is a '93, but mine's a '92, suckkaaa
I've been spending like the last week helping my dad work on the houses that we rent out
and it basically sucks
our last renters totally trashed the place before they moved out,
I'm talking toddler [and probably pre-teen] scrawbles all over the walls, stickers on the ceiling, a water tank threatening to crash through the sagging floor, and a nasty greasy stove and fan that i ended up having to clean
[although the last two probably werent the renters' fault]
so we mudded all the walls, painted them with what seemed not enough primer, and went over it with a glossy ivory paint. that too ended up not being enough. i had to skimp it out painting the bathroom walls.
other than that i guess it was fine though. i mean i got paid. so whoopah.
our vacation was pretty great.
wow im pretty random at this aren't I.
i mean i haven't even mentioned anything about going on vacation.
Well, we flew to Florida, bought a conversion van, and drove it all the way back to Alaska.
There, that's my vacation update<3
basically it was one long trip with an endless change of scenery and a whole bunch of tourist shots.
So I guess this isn't really an update.
more of a random ramble, where you've gotta have background knowledge to know what the hey I'm talking about.
Sorry about that.
but there was no planning put into this post.
I'll fix it some other time.
[over 'n' out]
[affirmative]

Jet Ski Mania

2009-06-16T10:23:00.001-07:00

So we're in Marathon Key right now
just got back from jet-skiing
and lemme tell you,
I Was Scared
S-C-A-R-E-D
well, scared when I had to drive anyway
you know, everyone tells you that it's just like driving a snowmobile,
but there is a HUGE difference between liquefied and crystallized water =S
I rode with my mom on one jet ski, while my brothers rode with my dad on another
i think everyone enjoyed it but me
I kind of just sat there, imagining that all the waves and water would crystallize and turn into snow, and eventually i got sleepy, but unlike on a snowmachine, i was too scared to lean forward and fall asleep on my moms shoulder
this was due to the fact that my dad had been reading the caution sticker on the machines prior to our venture
one of the warnings in particular read, "caution: wear appropriate gear. water could be forced into body cavities."
yeah. Gross.

sticky salads

2009-06-12T14:29:00.001-07:00

we're in orlando
and i had to buy my own breakfast today
and my both my brothers' breakfasts too
it was really frustrating.
because all of our food was in our parents' hotel room.
and they had gone to get our van from the shop.
theyre still not back yet.
and they gave us the wrong key...
i had to eat my salad with my fingers =(

Nightmare Streak

2009-05-30T03:51:00.000-07:00

i cant sleep.

i dreamt last night that i went to a house with some friends, and we began searching the place, and found dead mangled bodies everywhere: in the closets, in the bathroom, in the attic, under the beds.

then i woke up.

then went back to sleep.

and i was at school, in mr chmeilewskis science class, and the lights were off for some reason, and mr c told me that i had a D in his class, and there was no way to fix it, but i could definately make it worse, and that made me cry. and he gave me cigarettes and colored pencils and a soda, everything but a better grade, to make me feel better.

then i woke up.

and went back to sleep.

and i dreamt that i heard about some girl who worked at the house with all the dead people, who left the night before with a coworker, and he ended up making her strip down, raped her, then decapitated her. and left the body hanging like jesus in the house.

and i thought, oh, thats too bad.

then i was the girl, working at the house, and leaving with my coworker. and i realized that it didnt seem right, and i tried to walk away from him, but the road was icy, and i slipped. and he made me crawl, while he walked next to me.

and it was so dark outside.

he kind of skipped along, and taunted me, and lead me toward a tunnel. we went down it, and cars were all driving past, and i tried to scream for help, but no one stopped. instead they glanced over, and the guy just kind of laughed and told them i was crazy.

and they kept going.

and i was crying, crawling, and screaming for help.

and we kept going.

then i saw this girl appear in the middle of the tunnel, and i screamed for help, and she turned around and said to someone, look, down there, its that girl, the one that i heard. and her dad appeared, and the rapist tried to hide behind a pole. the dad came and picked the rapist up, and began walking away with him.

and i should have been relieved that the rapist was finally gone,
instead i knew that he was going to murder the dad and the girl, then come for me. so i tried to run out of the tunnel, and i turned on a road, and knew that i had to go to a certain house, but i didnt know where it was.

i knew that no matter where i went, the guy would find me, break into whatever barriers i put up, and kill me and whoever else was there. so i couldnt go home. but i didn't know where the empty house was. and i passed my street, and i was going to run right past. but then i thought, i could either run and try to find the empty house, not knowing how far to run, or even where i was supposed to run.

or i could run down this street, to the house where i lived with hannah and her family, and risk all of them dying just so that i could get out of the night.

and then i turned, down east 76th, to the house where hannah lived.

knowing what was going to happen next.

and woke up.

Anchorage Update

2009-04-19T01:54:00.000-07:00

So sorry again, I haven't any new posts since November, but hey, I'm back!!
well, back on blogspot that is. I'm still here in Anchorage, have been here since January, and you know what? It pretty much rocks :)
I came here expecting to suck at school and hate all of my classes, and to pretty much just want to spend all of my time socializing, but school is actually pretty fun.
I got chosen as a junior honor marshall for the senior graduation on May 11, which pretty much means im among the top fifty students with the highest GPA's in my class.
pretty cool, i thought. [Thanks Erin for getting me to that point!]
and then i got another notice saying that my high GPA got me qualified for getting a mentor for next year, if I'm going to school in Anhorage next year that is. I'm not necessarily sure about whether I'm going to be going to school in Anchorage, Behtle, or Oscrville next year though. Family moving plans aren't quite certain at this point.
And while I haven't gone and made friends with absolutely everyone at my school yet, [I've come to realize that I'm actually painfully dead shy when meeting people that I have to spend the rest of the school year with,] I've made quite a few friends, all of whom are pretty darn cool, but still don't even know where i live yet, haha.
Soo, I guess that these past 4 months have been pretty great. I live with my best friend, whom I've gone to concerts with, played pool with, shopped with, and snowboarded with; I get to spend my aunties, cousins, and their kids, when i was only able to see them during vacations before i moved here; and i've basically kept to my straight A streak. the only problem that i've run into [schoolwise] so far is that i had C's in only two of my classes. both of which i've been working hard to fix up.
So far I'm loving Anchorage, loving having things to do, and loving having people to meet/run into at the mall. My wardrobe's expanded, My new bedroom [which i share with Hannah] looks like a dream, and McDonald's is only 6 blocks away. yeah. life is looking pretty good at this point =]

<3

Speech Meet 2008

2008-11-21T12:14:00.000-08:00

Soo, Nicole and Erin and I finally just got back from the Speech Meet last night. It was pretty fun. Nicole and I both made semi-finals. We both entered the Expository and Dramatic Interpretation Categories. For the dramatic Nicole did a monologue from Spiderman and I performed Still I Rise by Maya Angelou. Nicole didn't place, but I got second in both of my categories, which was pretty cool. Oh yeah, Nicole's research paper was about Global warming and it's effects on the Arctic Ice Cap. Mine was about the bombing of Hiroshima during World War Two. It was kind of frustrating, performing our research papers. We'd read the rules beforehand, and they said that we could only write notes for our index cards, no fully written text or anything. And so, of course, we wrote out notes. Having just written out our index cards two days before the competition, of course it was hard for both me and Nicole to remember what all of our keywords meant. So I spent the majority of the competition freaking out about how I was supposed to remember anything for my research paper, and stuttering through each performance... "and, uhh, Edward teller said that if we hadn't bombed Nagasaki.. no, Hiroshima, then the shadows... no world..." yeah. it felt pretty disastrous. I bet i would have gotten ulcers if i had to bear through that any longer. But finally, on Thursday, right before finals, i realized that i could cut out and paste my research paper to my index cards. because that is exactly what everyone else in the competition had done, despite what the rules said. So after gluing down the last scrap of my paper, every feeling of foreboding of the anticipation of inescapable embarrassment disappeared, and all that was left when I walked back into the room where everyone was performing, only to find that I was already up next, was a feeling of pure relief and confidence. I don't think I stuttered even once during that performance.
So yeah. The Speech meet was pretty fun. I guess I'll do it again next year. But I'm definately not going to be doing another research paper.

2008-11-14T11:52:00.000-08:00

so I haven't written any new posts lately
sorry about that
not much has really happened since...
when was the last post?
October 27th.
Okay maybe a lot has happened
but... I really suck at trying to remember it all. haha.
Today's November 14th.
Hannah [my best friend] might just come to Bethel this weekend.
but I'm grounded this weekend.
because i stayed home sick yesterday and the day before.
and so.
this completely sucks.
with a capital S.
So I'm sorry to say that I actually hope she comes next weekend rather than this weekend, lol.
Um. I'm sorry. I really just don't think that I have anything to write today.
Hey, did you know that our eyes never grow, but our ears and nose never stop growing?
dude. that is creepy.
lol just imagine if someone were already born with abnormally large ears and [i guess] an abnormally large nose... and then lived to be 114 years old.

lol the image is kind of comical.
i wonder if that's why yoda looks the way he does?? X]

Beetle Update

2008-10-27T12:09:00.000-07:00

oh, by the way --- we figured out that all of the beetles are actually doing perfectly fine. instead of staying out in the open, they all decided to become homebodies and stay inside the crumpled wad of paper towel that Erin put in their container. go figure.
Those bugs creep me out. lol.

Welcome Back to the real World

2008-10-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

soo... today i am completely exhausted. which is completely random and unexplainable because i've been trying to make sure that i've gotten enough sleep and went to bed early enough and woken up before noon this whole weekend. so there is no reasonable explanation for my trying my hardest not to fall asleep in class today. lol.

Anyway i had a pretty fun weekend these past few days. From Thursday till sunday i rode my snowmachine in every day, went to the volleyball games, hung out with friends, and basically just had a great time hanging out with guys.

i don't even remember fully what i did on thursday... i know that i went in to see carlos, and then i pretty much just stayed at his place that whole time until i had to get home. friday i went in to bethel and watched the volleyball games. The Warriors have a killer JV team this year.

Saturday my dad and I woke up at like seven in the morning so that we could pick my mom up at the airport. after picking her up about half an hour late, my parents were going to go work on our truck at the boat harbor, and i didn't feel like spending all day in a cramped up car waiting for my parents to let me take them home so that i wouldnt have to stay stuck in one place wondering about whether or not i could go to the store. so i asked if i could go to carloses house until they were done.

lol they said yes, so i called carlos at like nine in the morning to tell him to unlock the door because i was going to his place, and he sounded so lost, the poor guy was still half asleep.

[ring ring]
*groggy*"Hello?"
"Carlos!"
"whaat?"
"Is your door locked?"
"What? i dont know... it shouldnt be."
"ok. im coming over."
"what? why?"
"mom and dad are gonna work on the truck. i dont want to spend all day in the car. im coming over."
"what? uh. ok. whatever."
"haha. ok bye."

i got to his house, went upstairs, opened the door to his bedroom, and was met by complete darkness. the transition from a half lit hallway to a completely dark bedroom was disorienting. i had to take a step back and spent a moment trying to get my bearings back.
carlos mumbled from his bed,
"You can watch T.V. or listen to music. or something."
instead i crashed on the couch with his cat. shoes, jacket and all.

an hour later carlos got up to take a shower and i was still sleeping on his couch, then my parents came to pick me up. I didn't tell carlos that i was leaving or anything, and he later told me that when he went back to his room and i was gone, he thought to himself... "whoa. was she even here?"
haha.
i told hannah that story, and she said her reaction would have been so much better.
i still think carlos had one heckuva reaction to that though lol.

anyway my parents came to pick me up and i went to the games
and hung out with mike and a few other people
went to the store with kara
went driving with eddie and i forget who else... i just remember that eddie was driving
and then
idk
i did a lot of stuff this weekend
it was all fun
a lot more active than most of my weekends have been so far
but you know what?
i think thats because i havent been to bethel for the whole two weeks that i've been stuck in oscarville.
lol.
maybe i was just ready to consider everything fun.
or maybe everyone else missed me enough to make stuff extra fun :)
lol idk.
ill edit this later
[arrow three]

relief

2008-10-16T10:55:00.000-07:00

we got three new students last week
i dont feel so bad about moving anymore
:]

Status Response

2008-10-15T10:42:00.000-07:00

Some things that give a person status could be how much money they have, what kind of friends they have and what they do with those friends, and which family they came from.

In general, social classes are determined by how much money people have: you're either in the upper [rich] class, upper middle class, middle class, lower middle class, or the lower [poor] class. In general, theres the rich, the poor, and the people in the middle of it all.

Social status could also be determined by your job. This kind of runs in the same line as how much money you have, but your job could determine how much money you have and the kind of person you are. A Hooker and a Priest COULD make the same amount of money, but obviously, one is going to get a lot more respect than the other, and they both stand in very different social groups. A celebrity also has a very different social status from someone that, say, works in a coffee shop.

Your friends could also determine what your social status is. People don't just see you from how you look, act or what you do, but from how your friends look, act and do too. you could dress in bright clothes, wear neutral makeup and get straight A's, but if your friends dress in all black, have millions of piercings and couldn't care less about school, then that's pretty much what your social status is too.

another thing that we didn't discuss in class but i just realized shows your social status, or takes part in your social status or whatever, is our family. Family plays a big part in social status. If someone comes from a family that's rich and powerful, then they're probably going to have a higher status than someone who comes from a low-income family that doesn't really have all that much power in the community. but if the rich family is one full of crime, greed, being mean, and bad acts, while the lower-income family is known for community acts, being good and a whole bunch of "good" stuff, then even though the richer family might have a higher status, the family with better morals will have a better status.

so status can be determined by a lot of different things, and can be determined in a lot of different ways. i think status is a really complex concept, and kind of a broad subject. even talking about social status is pretty broad. There's so many different ways that i can think of to define status, that it's all just a jumble in my head... and i don't think that i could fit all of that into one blog :)

An Amateur's Perception of the Mealworm and Big Black Beatle's Life Cycle

2008-10-14T12:10:00.000-07:00

Today before writing Jackie was looking at the meal worms and beetles, and she noticed that there were new baby meal worms, so everyone went to go check it out, and then we noticed that all the beetles were dead. They were all just laying upside down on top of the brown paper towel that we put in the jar, and it looked like there weren't that many left. There were a lot of beetle parts in the jar though, so I'm guessing that as they were dying off, the beetles were eating each other, and as more and more died they were all getting weaker and weaker, until when the last few were left, they were too exhausted to rip each other apart after death, and so they all just died in their own little corners or areas of the jar. And so the beetles all died, leaving the meal worms to fend for themselves and learn how to kill each other all on their own after they mature. Bugs are weird. I'm glad humans aren't cannibals :).

relocation

2008-10-10T12:16:00.001-07:00

so it's official -- I'm transferring to anchorage next semester :)
no more isolation and not being able to walk to the store or missing out on social events
nothing but living with Hannah and [maybe] driving my own car from January on out
the anticipation is killing me.

I've got to admit though, I read a few blogs a few days back about the number of kids who have started transferring to Anchorage, and it makes me feel kind of guilty.
Apparently, because of the rising gas and grocery prices, and the lack of jobs, more people from the bush are moving to the city, and schools are finding themselves with less and less students. Our own school has found itself losing students within the past few years. after starting out with 35 students three years ago, at least two students trasferred that year, then at least four students transferred last year, and one of our seniors graduated, then this year another student transferred, and I'm going to transfer too. Throughout the whole duration of three years, we've only gotten one new kindergarten student, and so now the number of students in our school is 28, soon to be 27.

Again. That leaves me feeling kind of guilty... But not guilty enough to stay.

I was talking to someone about moving, and they said that they would probably find it hard to move, because they felt a certain loyalty to the students and staff, or a certain responsibility, because everyone relies on everyone else so much. My not being a teacher, or principal, or staff member or anything, i couldn't really relate to what they were saying, but i realized that was because i was the student, the one relying on authority, rather than the one being relied on. I'm not responsible for anyone in Oscarville, and because I'm a teenager [haha], the only future that I really need to focus on is mine. wow. I sound self-centered. idk. I'm used to moving around a lot. it's what i do. It keeps my world going round. the end.

red bandana

2008-10-09T12:26:00.000-07:00

so erin hates it when we write "Gaawsh, im so booored!! [insert whiney voice here]" posts, but i just cant refrain.
because i am soooo goshdarned bored!! [dont forget to insert the whiney voice]
not much has really happened since the last time ive posted...
which was quite a while ago, it seems.
well i guess that a lot has happened.
its just not all that great.
and so. when the bad happens. its best to just forget about it right.
right.
i did get a red bandana this weekend though.
wow that was aweseom.
mike gave it to me when he drove past in delwens car and i was walking with dayle toward the church.
lol.
i love spontaniety. even though i know thats not a word :)

Smoking vs. Meth

2008-09-25T23:02:00.000-07:00

you know, you see a lot of posters in public places giving you reasons for why you shouldnt smoke
of course you shouldnt smoke, because
one) it causes shortness of breath
two)the chemicals within ciggarettes can end up straining your heart and blood vessels
three) it makes your teeth yellow
four)it lets less oxygen get into your blood system
five) it gives you wrinkles
six) it makes you more susceptible to sicknesses [im pretty sure]
and seven) it causes cancer.
read it again
C-A-N-C-E-R
you know, that sickness where your cells start growing uncontrollably and you have to take chemo and all your eyebrows fall off?
yeah
Cancer.

you see all of that in the posters
reasons for why you shouldnt smoke
and you think about it
and it makes sense

and then you read the posters that ask you that big question::
If the outside of a smokers body looked the same as the inside
[rotten, black, ugly, raw]
then would people still smoke?

normally the immediate answer would be no.
because I definately wouldnt smoke if it made my face look rotten
but then
what about everyone else?
the almost obvious answer should be no, people wouldnt smoke

but then you think about meth

meth is an intense drug
and affects your physical appearance drastically::
one) yeah, it tends to make you lose weight, but continued use results in drastic weight loss
two) you get pale
three) it causes your body to practically cook its internal organs because of all your excess body heat
four)it blackens and yellows your teeth
five) your body begins to emit an odor so that you smell like glue or mayonnaise
six) people that use meth regularly lose their ability to feel pleasure because the drug causes you to feel so much illusion of it
and seven) you get sores all over your body because of all the scratching you do while youre high

so meth does have a lot of external physical effects on your body, along with a lot of internal and i guess emotional

it pretty much takes a perfectly attractive human and being
and turns them into something visually revolting.

Yet People Still Do It.

So if people are still doing meth despite the external effects,
then people would most definately still smoke regardless of whether or not it made their appearance frightful and grotesque.
of course, not as many people would smoke,

But people still would, nonetheless.

symbolism

2008-09-24T12:19:00.000-07:00

so once upon a time there was this girl that lived an an island all by herself and she couldnt go shopping or driving or flying or walking or on myspace or hang out with her friends because there wernet any stores or roads or planes or anywhere to walk to or people to hang out with and the internet company that she used blocked myspace.

and approximately 13 miles away there was a town that wasn't on an island and had plenty of stores and roads and planes and sidewalks and people aaand the internet companies didnt block myspace

so this girl decided that she was going to find a way to get over to that non island town, no matter what it took

so she asked her islander father to build her a boat that would take her the whole thirteen miles to the non island town, the one with the stores and roads and planes and sidewalks and people and internet companies that didn't block myspace

but her islander father couldn't understand why she would want to leave the empty island. the one without the roads and planes and sidewalks and people and had the internet company that blocked myspace

so the girl explained to her fahter that she needed roads and planes and stores and sidewalks and people and cars and internet companies that didn't block myspace

but her father just didn't understand
because he liked walking instead of driving
and got airsick in airplanes
and didnt need to walk on the sidewalk
and had animals instead of people
and was totally against using cars
and believed that his daughter shouldn't have myspace anyway.

so the girl had to remind her father that he was nearly fifty and already settling down, so he wasn't supposed to care for any of the stuff that a typical teenager would anyway, and could she please move to the nonisland town

and her dad got mad because he didn't like being old

but she got him not mad somehow anyway

and explained that if she went to the nonisland town
the one with the cars and stores and roads and people and sidewalks and planes and internet companies that didnt block myspace,
she could go to school
and build up her social skills
and get a job
and prove how responsible she was
so not only was the nonisland town just a place with cars and stores and sidewalks and roads and planes and people and internet companies that didnt block myspace,
now it was a nonisland town that had cars and roads and sidewalks nad planes and people and internet companies with myspace AND schools, opportunities for social growth, employment and the chance to prove responsibility

soo
her dad was still iffy about everything,
but now he actually had stuff to think about before he said no
because he didnt want his daughter to grow up stupid
without an education or any life skills
and she had proved to be rather adequate at the practically homeschooling

so the daughter took advantage of her doubt and convinced her dad that indeed she needed to go to the nonisland
the one with cars and roads and sidewalks nad planes and people and internet companies with myspace AND schools, opportunities for social growth, employment and the chance to prove responsibility

and so he let her
and she left
and went to school
and had friends
and had fun
and was responsible
and everything turned out fine

the end

Getting your way

2008-09-22T12:22:00.000-07:00

so i got my car taken away for a month.
its dumb.
me and kara were going to johnnys place, and since we werent really going to go anywhere else, i decided that i could just drive her the one mile there. which is uuber short by car. but. of course. not uuber short by walk.
so because its not driving around town
or going out and having fun,
eating and jamming out to earsplitting loud music
or going out to a party
or picking up a gazillion friends so that we can all drive around town and defy the law
i decided
that i could drive kara the one mile to johnnys house.
and everything would have been absolutely fine if her parents hadnt pulled up behind us with my parents in the car with them, and followed us all the way to johnnys house, and got out and started yelling about breaking the law and irresponsibility, and not following the rules, and how its more my fault than karas, or its more karas fault than mine, blah blah blah.
really
i think the situation would have gone along MUCH more smoothly if just her parents or if just mine had pulled up.
our parents were so busy being embarrassed that they decided to take all frustrations out on us.
redeemance of the suburban law abiding parents.
blah.
so i knew that i wasnt supposed to drive kara.
i knew that my dad was freaking out about his parental reputation
i knew that karas dad was also freaking out about his parental reputation
and i knew that people expect you to argue.
and that when someone is extremely upset with you,
esp. for doing the opposite of what they tell you to do,
the best thing to do
is to reply
with
yeah i know i did something wrong. ok ill accept my punishment. i completely understand where youre coming from. and even though i dont like it im not gonna complain.
because then they dont know what to do with you.
and then you can ask...
hey, can i go to carloses?
=]

Great Outcome

2008-09-17T11:35:00.000-07:00

So i ended up having a pretty good birthday yesterday. it was fun.
school was pretty boring. but that was to be expected =P.
after school i went home, washed my hair, and then my family and had cake and opened my presents.
my mom got me this awesome radio tuner thingy that you can put in the shower, so that i wont have to lug my speakers and ipod in there all the time :). and i got a whole bunch of sewing stuff and watches and a head lamp and a toolbox and socks and a humongo picture frame and my ten year old brother henry gave me twenty dollars. lol.
so yeah, that was pretty cool.

after having cake and opening presents, Lyle and I went to Bethel by boat and stopped by carloses to see what we were going to do. they said that kara was planning to go out to eat so we spent like an hour looking for kara, picking people up, going to karas house so she could wrap my presents, and then finally going all the way out to the airport so that we could eat at brothers pizza.
[forgot to say, micah, johnny, kara, bill, lyle and katrina all went]
we ordered a half pepperoni, half supreme large pizza, and spent forever joking around and waiting for the pizza to get there. i opened the present that kara got for me [two shirts and some boxers haha], and micah and i interrogated Katrina, trying to figure out why the heck she would support bush. it was great.

after forever our pizza finally arrived, and it was a half white, half pepperoni instead of what we ordered. so we spent forever all over again waiting for them to get our order right. which sucked. but it was fun. after that me and lyle had to go home, because we were already late, so that's how the rest of that day went. so it was all cool. and now guess what.
im seventeen years and a day old. how cool is that :)

Happy Birthday?

2008-09-16T11:38:00.000-07:00

so i guess that todays my birthday...
happy seventeenth?
idk.
it sucks because my birthday's got to be on a tuesday instead of a saturday.
and i cant get my dad to stay consistent with what i want to do.
we started off saying that i would have a feast for my birthday,
then changed it to my family and i going out to eat in bethel instead
then decided that i wanted to have a family party
then said that i wanted to go out and eat with friends
then said that i just wanted to go to bethel [which my dad doesnt approve of because he doesnt think that it's healthy for teenagers to just "hang out".. to which i replied with, its my birthday, you cant complain :)]
and then just last night, i decided that i want to go in to bethel, get a whole case of mountain dew, order a huge pizza, and go to carloses to watch Lucky Number Sleven, which my dad wouldnt let me watch because it was rated R, but since im seventeen now he cant say that i cant watch it. perfect way to welcome my seventeenth year :]
so thats my current plan right now.
but my dad is starting to go for a change in plans all over again.
he thinks that i should go in some other day.
but im already starting to lose my sanity... so i think im going to go for today.

anyway todays birthday kind of sucks.
im just not in a good mood.
havent been in a good mood.
[wont] be in a good mood?...

when the clock struck twelve last night i swore to myself that i would make sure today, at least, wouldn't suck like the rest of them have tended to. so far the plan isn't necessarily working out. blahh.

anyway. im determined to go in to bethel today and to watch Lucky Number Sleven, and to make the best of my situation. regardless of what i've had to hear about today. Regardless of what i feel about today. im just gonna forget everything that bugs me, and not worry about it tomorrow.

we'll see how that works out.

attempting the concept of skateboarding

2008-09-15T11:52:00.000-07:00

So a few weekends ago i attempted to learn how to skateboard.
it was aaweseom
i went to the skatepark with kara and johnny, and pretty much everyone was there.
Kara had already been learning how to balance on the board, but i was starting fresh, so i had to go around the park a few times just figuring out how to turn the thing.
i was pretty embarrassed to be falling off my board and not being able to control it when i wasn't even doing any tricks, especially since the park was full of people. so it took me a while to get the hang of it. but once i had the whole balance and turning concept down, i was finally able to attempt going up and down the spine on the fun box, or doing a fakie.

and dude. it was Hard.

when you go up the ramp, you're supposed to lean your body out away from the board, almost like you're trying to become parallel with the ground, so that the weight of your body doesn't push the board out from under you. It took me forever to get the hang of this, so almost every time i went up the ramp i would lean the wrong way and the board would shoot out from under me. I landed on my butt quite a few times, but didn't have any major bruises really.
right before kara, johnny and i had to leave, i finally got the hang of doing a fakie. it was aweseom.

the next weekend, [last weekend] Kara and I went back to the park to learn some more board tricks. she told me that since i knew how to do a fakie now, i had to learn how to do a rock to fakie. that's when you go up the ramp, and once the board starts to slow down, you push on the back end with your right foot, and lift up the front end, simultaneously twisting and leaning your body so that you do a complete kick turn and go down the ramp with your board going forward instead of backwards, like it does on just a normal fakie.

again it took me pretty much all day just to do the rock to fakie, and by the time we left i still wasn't all that great at it. and i still wasn't all that great the next day either... but i kind of got the hang of it.

i'll admit that i still suck, but i moved on to the next trick anyway. I think it was called the Rock and Roll, but i'm not even sure. but in order to do the trick, you go all the way up the ramp until the front wheels of your board go higher than the edge at the top, and then rest briefly there, then you go back down the ramp without doing a kickturn. so it's like a fakie, but you're going a lot higher up on the ramp.

i'm still stuck on this step, and seem t have the same problem with staying on the board when i start to go back down the ramp. it's kind of frustrating, but i can't wait until the next time i go skateboarding. i am soo ready to get it right. :)

[[p.s. i fell just about a million times when i was learning the rock to fakie, and ended up with huge bruises on both of my knees and hips, and a super painful but invisible bruise on my tail bone. it was aweseom.]]

Kayak Trips and Blistered Pinkies

2008-08-21T11:48:00.000-07:00

Ok. So i did end up taking Lyle to Bethel by inflatable kayak for his birthday....
and it sucked.
lol. first off, we left at low tide, and decided to take the slough to make our trip shorter, but because the tide was so low, there were quite a few places where our kayak wouldn't float and so we had to get out and drag it through slimy, footsucking mudd.
and then when we finally did get out of the slough, we found that we were goign against the current and the wind, in order to get the next ten miles to bethel. we crossed from one bank of the river to the next about five times, each trip seeming to be endless.
and so, our trip was one long endeavor, with me screaming infuriatedly that i hate kayaks, and alaska, and nature, and that i'm never going to travel the river unless i've got a motorboat.
we left Oscarville at 3. and arrived in Bethel at 6. it took us three hours just to get there, and we had only an hour to spend with our friends. so i decided that i wasn't going to be in such a hurry to leave, and picked Lyle up from his girlfriends house at about 7:15 instead of 6:30.
we had to go back to the boat harbor and pump our evil inflatable kayak all over. by then the wind had died down, me and lyle were tired of kayaking, the sun had just begun its long descent towards the horizon, and the gnats were swarming like crazy.

i guess its kind of obvious that we weren't necessarily looking forward to our long trip home...

but guess what?
the wind had died completely down by the time we left
and this time we were going with the current
soo, instead of wasting our time struggling against the elements,
lyle and i drifted halfway home,
screaming out lyrics to our favorites songs along the whole way
and soo,
due to the lack of effort that we put into paddling home,
it till took us 3 hours to get back
so we were home at 10:30
with sore arms and stomach, sopping wet legs, and blisters gnawing away at our palms
[i even got a blister on my right pinky]

all in all, lyle and i paddled for six whole hours...
just to spend an hour and i half in bethel..
which doesnt even have a mall.
or a movie theatre.
or a McD's.

hahaha.
i feel like a moron.

Birthday Trip

2008-08-19T12:18:00.000-07:00

so today we get off school early, due to the funeral of this guy that committed suicide across the river...
sad concept. but anyway.
i plan on taking advantage of this opportunity, and taking my brother Lyle in to bethel by kayak to see his girlfriend for his birthday.
i know. great sister, huh? lol. Especially since I hate kayaking. but it's really the only option, considering that my dad has been really stingy with the boat lately, and so i've got to spend about two hours laboring against the mighty kuskokwim, instead of taking twenty minutes to drive up in my big, comfy motorboat.
Sister's gotta do what a sister's gotta do, right?
lol i guess that i should confess now that my brother isn't the only reason I'm spending two hours clueless in a kayak to paddle 13 miles upriver. I'm already bored in Oscarville, and I've only been home for four days. crazy concept. I love the fact that my brother's birthday came up as an opportunity for an excuse to leave :).
Best part is, I get to drive dad's car once we get there.
}:)

sorry that the events are all jumbled up, but welcome back -- heres how my summer went

2008-08-18T12:13:00.001-07:00

so hey
im back
schools just started
aaand.... im tired.
lol.
i had a pretty exciting summer this year, we went on a roadtrip again, kind of on a similar route, but we went from michigan to the keys instead of michigan to florida then new york.
it was pretty crazy, because i swear that it took us longer to get from crawfordville, Florida to Marathon key [nineteen hours] than it did to get from Hastings Michigan to Florida [thirteen hours].
i got to spend a lot of time with my emo cousin amber, since she came with us on the trip. we had lots of fun snorkeling with huuuge cobia fish in a big saltwater pond, and snorkeling off the coast of the island too on the fourth of july.
[by the way, cobia fish are like huge, overgrown carp... a full-sized cobia fish can weigh up to 100 lbs.]
oh yeah, and i got my provisional drivers license this summer, so that was pretty aweseom. i ended up becoming the one and only grandchild that my grandma let drive her car... something that she ended up freaking out about later, because i turned into the wrong lane... =D
we spent quite a bit in florida i guess, mostly to visit with my grandma and my uncle chuck. i saw my "nieces" for the first time, theyre my cousin sadie's kids, claire, 4, and lucy, im pretty sure she just turned one.

[to be continued...]

2008-04-29T12:48:00.001-07:00

I feel like painting today.

I haven't done that for a while...

maybe I'll paint after school.

maybe.

idk.

I feel artistic today :)

The Positive Stuff

2008-04-28T12:51:00.002-07:00

Soo, I was told that maybe i should try focusing on what I like about this place....

Soo... Here goes.

What I Like About Oscarville

It's not overrun with people

I get to stay home all day and read

I have to ride my ski-doo or boat in order to get to somewhere else

My dogs are here

I spend a lot of time with my brothers

There's only 6 people in all of my classes, so we get spoiled by our teachers

School here is Easy Peasy Simple as Pie

I don't have to wear makeup

No one cares if I forgot to shower last night

School gets out at 3:45 instead of 4 or 4:30

I don't have to take the bus to school

It's quiet

I just got my driver's permit last Friday

No one Bugs me at home

It's a whole bunch easier to stay single when you're related to everyone in town

I get my own computer

I get to sleep in a loft

My curfew is later here [even if I never go out anyway]

I have a Rock Star bedroom

The River [actually, it's only the slough] is right next to my bedroom window

I don't need to sleep at anyone's house because i see them all day anyway

aaand...

ummm....

It's easier to convince my dad to spoil me, because my grades are all better and i developed amazing debating/convincing/negotiating/arguing skills since we moved here =D=D=D

You're Gonna Be Seeing a Lot of Those Smiley Faces [:):):)]

2008-04-24T12:49:00.000-07:00

Im really excited about this summer. whooopeee whoopeee whopeeeeeeee :):):)

We're gonna go to Tununak like, pretty much right after school is out, and im gonna apply for a drivers ed class to get my license early this summer, but first i need to go and take my permit test tomorrow. lol. i dont know if my dad will let me go though. he'll probably say that ill be too much of a hazard to everyone else on the road =D. lol. anyway after tununak, We're gonna fly down to Chicago and then go on a roadtrip with my cousin Amber down to Florida, Up to New York, and then over to Michigan and back to Chicago. Excitement Excitement Excitement :). Best part is, after that we're gonna spend some time in Anchorage with my cousin Nikki and her kids Devon and Bella, and I'll get to see hannah, and then after that i even have a month all to myself in Bethel, instead of just a week or whatever like it always is :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):).

IIIIIMMMMMMM EXCIIIIIIIITEDDDDD!!!!!!!!!

whoohoooo!

schools almost out :)

The Spongebob Kid

2008-04-18T12:51:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a crazy little kid that had an obsession with Sponge Bob. So intense was his obsession in fact, that he created his own Sponge Bob costume out of a cardboard box and refused to take it off for weeks at a time. He slept in it, he ate in it, he went to the bathroom in it, and he even applied a special coat of paint to it, allowing him to take showers in it. I'm telling you, this kid was Ccrazy for Sponge Bob.

thought i should make at least one post preppy

2008-04-16T13:06:00.000-07:00

Apes After Hours

Big Butterflies

Crushed Ice

Dancing Dandelions

Ecstatic Emo's

Fantastic Figures

Gibbering Giraffes

Happy Hippos

Innocent Inamorato's

Jumping Jelly Beans

Kicking Kabobs

Lazy Ladies

Mangy Gentlemen

Nocturnal Nice Kids

Pink Panthers

Quixotic Quints

Rambunctious Rascals

Seafaring scoundrels

Tart Tongues

Ummm

Vicious Victories

Withering Weirdos

Extreme Rally Car Racers

Yodeling Youngens

Zig Zagged cornrolls...
...

flying penguins

singing tigers

solid rainbows

super tall leprechauns

super skinny santa

happy emo's

colorful goths

smart blondes

georgeous geeks

ugly preps.

happy

thoughts :)

work for it

2008-04-16T13:01:00.001-07:00

just another day

just another journey

not nearly as important

not nearly worth the fight

another figure in the doorway

the fog blurring your sight

make your way blindly

pray you make it alright

bring forth your on winds

make haste your own climb

clear up the fog

do it with your own whim

create your own happiness

achieve your own goals

who says you need anybody

to make you your own

Northern Men with Southern Manners

2008-04-07T01:44:00.000-07:00

I bumped into a really cute guy the other day. Not cute physically, but cute personality-wise.

I was helping one of our renters move out because the guys that were supposed to help her hadn't shown up yet, and we just got back to her house after moving a whole truck load to the new one, when we saw this subaru parked right in front of her driveway with five high school guys and an old guy trying to fix the back door.

I couldnt help smiling to myself, and I couldnt help chuckling when one of them kept looking back at me. Cute.

So, here I am smiling, chuckling actually, just finding the concept that it takes six guys to fix a door amusing and theres that guy, not that tall, not that lean, not my type, keeps glancing back at me.

I'm reminded that even in camo snowpants, mussed up hair and a baggy sweatshirt that
even I can remain attractive. And as I'm helping Jan back up her truck into the driveway, this guy comes out of the house lugging one end of a couch to put in the Subaru:

"Excuse me, ma'am,"

That's what he said, with total confidence. "Excuse me ma'am," is something that he's obviously used to saying.

Cute. That's all I can think of, is, "How cute."

and then I realize.. He called me ma'am.. and I'm wearing camo snowpants with a baggy sweatshirt

wow.
just.
wow.

I wish all guys could treat a girl like that. How great would that be. "Excuse me, ma'am." How much does that say about a guy? As opposed to just, "Scuse me," or nothing at all. Wow.

So I decided today, that I'm not gonna make it a must or anything, but any guy willing to call me ma'am, and act like they used to a million gabillion years ago, when guys actually had to "swoon" chicks, has already earned a pretty darn good page in my book.

Almost

2008-03-30T01:38:00.000-07:00

you make the effort

live the life

take the risks

undo the plight

thought it was over

maybe it was through

you had moved on

he still tried to keep you

nothing makes sense

you can't make it work

you've got his lies and his threats

he's got your truth and your hurt

you'd almost broke free

gained back independence

but here he is back again...

just keep him at a distance

Our Future Predicaments

2008-03-28T13:11:00.000-07:00

In one hundred years, the whole world is going to be run by nothing but geothermal energy, and one of my kids is going to be in charge of the biggest hydro-fuel plant in the world :)

technology is going to be better, smaller, and smarter. and i cant wait :)

scientists will find a way for everyone to live forever and ever, or at least twice as long, so that i can run my power plant myself :)

we'll have the cure to cancer and then find out that the cure's gone loony, so everyones either going to die, or become a hairless monster, just like in "the Legend." and every movie ever invented is going to come true at some point.

Camai will be held above bethel, on a floating island that goes around the world in three days, and somehow people are going to figure out how to make gas cost less so that everyone can become rich and well all live in luxury. although i dont know how we're going to do that, what with the grudge, and the texas chainsaw massacre guy running loose within the U.S. and China.

in one hundred years, every single American is going to be overweight, and the trend will soon move on to other countries. no one will want to become skinny again, and pretty soon it's gonna be us skinny girls and guys that are gonna be bullied in school, and left out of the slumber parties and gonna end up never marrying because everyone thinks we're diseased and we're not big enough to fight back against all of the overweight people. although normally an obese person would live a short life, and still might in comparison to someone skinny, they're still gonna live over a hundred and fifty years old.

in a way everything will be better, but everything will be worse too. we'll live in a new century where greed, luxury and self-obsession is a way of life, no longer a sin for man.

oh yeah, and our dogs are gonna learn to talk.

"Hello Madam,"

"Hello Canine,"

"and how was your day today?"

"Very fine thank you, do you have any antique iPods that i can buy today?"

"why yes, i do. fifty dollars please. and how is that weight gain diet going for you?"

bering sea

2008-03-27T12:47:00.003-07:00

I remember the first time my family and i drove our boat from bethel to Tununak. I was in seventh grade, i think, Just going into 8th. maybe. Anyway, we were making the trip for the Kusko Book Express, boating to villages and fish camps and giving free books and snacks to kids. I remember the final day of our trip, we were finally driving from Chefornak to Tununak, and we ended up getting stuck in a minor storm. not really a storm i guess, but big waves and lots of wind and spray. Our boat is a long sea runner, one of the older models with a deep V making it hard to run through shallow rivers, but perfect for running it in the ocean.

But even boating in the perfect sea runner was kind of hard. the waves were about 8 feet tall. Maybe taller, but they were all close together and the boat was rocking from side to side as if it were being shaken like a rattle. with each rock of the boat three sprays of water would find their way through the cracks in our boat cover, and we all held rags and our old socks in all of the cracks, trying to stay dry. it was chilly and damp inside the boat, and me and my brothers were laying on our makeshift bed, rolling with the waves, getting into fights and getting seasick. i remember having to use the bathroom, but was too scared to even try to accomplish the feat while the waves were doing the tango with my beloved boat.

I remember how white the tips of the waves were, and looking into the deep blue green water every time our boat rocked side to side. despite all of the waves, the frenzy and confusion, the water somehow managed to remain only slightly cloudy. i think that's what i remember the most out of all of it, is how our bering sea is such a deep green color instead of the blue you'll see at any other ocean or sea. and how salty it always tastes, when you're expecting a fresh, almost plantlike sensation.

i remember during that same trip, after we had made it to Tununak, a few days later me and my dad went to Mekoryuk to deliver some books. On the way back, we surfed our way home on the long, rolling waves, my dad and i sharing stories while I maneuvered our overgrown boat smoothly on the waves, keeping speed while i rode on the top, speeding up to lift the nose when we began to get into the spaces in between each wave, then reaching the top of the next wave and repeating the same maneuvers over and over again, falling into the rhythm of the sea.

It's amazing how boating can bring two people so close together. The small confined space, requiring at least two people to work together, in perfect unison. the anchorman and the driver, the straighten upper and the mechanic. captain and first mate. That summer i learned how to get along with my dad, and learned how to talk with him about everything. I think the boat had a lot to do with it, driving in the sea being even more involved.

That summer i caught my first halibut. i was almost too scared to reel it in, it looked so huge coming up in the water. at first just a tug, and thinking its just another flounder. reeling and reeling and reeling it in, then seeing this monster come at you once it almost reaches the surface. The bat, the bat, wheres the bat?! aaaagh, it's huge! hurry help me! reel it in yourself. OH MY GOD ITS HUGE!!!!

lol. i was horrified of the thing, and scared silly at the thought of reeling it in myself. dad stunned it once it was out of the water by hitting it with his bat, then put it in a tub so it wouldnt flop all around the boat. The halibut wasn't huge, but it was still big enough for me to remain proud. The bicture of me trying to hold it up, laughing with my dad is still taped up on my wall, right next to my bed.

I love the sea.

I love the water.

I love my boat.

Can't wait 'till this summer

Halfbreed

2008-03-20T22:48:00.000-07:00

When I was a baby, my family and I lived in my mom’s hometown, Tununak. We moved out when I turned 6, and since then we’ve moved from place to place in Alaska, going back to Tununak almost every summer to visit my mom’s parents. During one of these visits I met Maryanne, or as most of her Native friends and relatives called her, Piiping.

Piiping was also spending the summer with her grandparents in Tununak and spent a lot of time with Nadine, whom I also spent a lot of my time with, so we got to know each other fairly well. Over the course of time that I’d known her, I had thought that Piiping and I had become close friends because we got along real well. We biked around together a lot, hung out with a lot of the same people, and always had fun playing house.

Around mid-summer, Piiping said that she was having a birthday party at her grandma’s house. She told me and everyone else that we were all invited, that it was going to be tons of fun, and that there would even be a piñata. All of my friends and I were really excited; people rarely ever had birthday parties in Tununak, and by the sound of it this party was going to be extra fun, so everyone couldn’t wait for Piiping’s birthday party to come.

Finally, it was the day of Piiping’s birthday. Nadine and I sat on my grandma’s doorstep waiting for her arrival so that we could go to the party. The weather outside was wonderful. The sun shone brighter that day than it had any other day of that week, and the wind was gently teasing our hair. Everything and everyone seemed excited that day, the dogs playing in the streets, the birds chirping in their nests, everything was perfect.

It wasn’t long before we saw Piiping coming. She walked with enthusiasm, a smile on her face, eager to tell us that her party was ready. Her enthusiasm was contagious, for as soon as we saw her, we were smiling too. We waited for her to reach us, standing up when she finally did.

“Can we come over yet?” Nadine asked eagerly.

“Yup, you can come over, Nadine,” Piiping replied, just as eager. But I had caught my exclusion from the invitation.

“What about me, Piiping?” I asked, expecting her to remember me. “I can come too, right?” Piiping faced me, but her only reply was,

“You can’t come.” I can’t come? I thought, But you already told me yesterday that I was invited.
“Why not?” I asked carefully, trying to remain calm but apparently looking very confused.

“Because I changed my mind. You’re not invited anymore.”

“What? How come? Why’d you change you’re mind?” I asked, my calm disguise slowly disintegrating. My mind immediately started to race. What did I do? I’ve been nicer to you than everyone else, especially since you invited me to your party! I made sure that no one picked on you, and I even yelled at George for making you cry! I don’t want my invitation taken away. Why don’t you want me at your party? All of these thoughts shot through my head as I waited for her answer. Then, she told me.

“Because you’re white.”

“Because I’m White?” What? Of course I’m White. It’s written all over me.

“Yup. Only Yup’iks are allowed at my party.”

“But I am Yup’ik!” See, that’s written all over me too.

“No you’re not. You’re dad’s White, so you’re White too.”

“But my mom’s Yup’ik! That makes me Yup’ik too!”

“You’re not full Yup’ik though. So you can’t come.” She replied bluntly. Then facing Nadine she said, “Come on Nadine, we get to hit the piñata first.” With that they both turned around and walked toward Maryanne’s grandma’s house. Maryanne didn’t bother to look back at me, but Nadine glanced back several times, her face animated with apologies.

For a second I stood there, shocked. Maryanne hated me because I was White. I didn’t get to go to Maryanne’s birthday party because I was White. Everyone gets to hit the piñata but me, all because I’m White. I’m White. I’m White. I’m White.

And with that final thought I turned around, dragged myself up the stairs into my grandma’s house, then into the living room, where I sat on the couch, my face a blank slate. I sat there, surrounded by my Yup’ik family, regretting, for the first time, ever having to be White. Motionless, I remained there, trying to ignore the few tears that had broken their barricades. The tears that were now creating the trails streaming down my face, each drop of pain disposing of another piece of innocence.

BreakUp

2008-03-20T13:14:00.000-07:00

Clingy

I just want

To hang out with my friends tonight

Dependent

You don't need me to keep you happy

Jealous

You do realize

that he's been my best friend

since before you were mine

Demanding

No.

I won't do it.

Ugh. Boyfriend.

Overrated

Where's the chocolates and flowers?

Grueling

Do I have to meet your parents?

Routine

Another cuddle session?

Boring

when do we do something worth my time?

Sighs. Relationship.

Flirty

I think you owe me another hug ;)

Sexy

Stilettos...

Or wedges?

Independent

I'm going shopping

Alone

Satisfying

Empty in-box

Moist Lips

My own gallon of

Rocky

Road

Ice Cream

Ahh

Freedom

waiting

2008-03-02T15:48:00.000-08:00

i want to go home.
this is annoying.
im stuck.
in akiuk.
no friends.
no snowmachines.
no dogs.
no guys.
all of the other girls in our team left.
now me and jackie have to wait for all of the kwethluk girls to leave before we get to go home.
stupid.
ergh.
today is dumb.
i want to go home.
blah.
it must be boring reading about everyones complaints.
and why shouldnt it be.
just ramble
ramble
ramble
i tend to talk about that alot dont i.
i camplain a lot too dont i.
blog.
journal.
comment box.
suggestion box.
complaint box.
yeah.
thats what it is.
my complaint box.
tends to be what i percieve it as.
i dont necessarily like complaining out loud
dont necessarily like talking alot
dont necessarily like talking about my feelings
no
no
no
i dont.
scary, this whole blog prospect
everyone being able to read what you write
people being able to stalk you
everyone knowing your thoughts
knowing as much as you tell
in this case, sort of a lot
how many sick peopel could there be out there
how much info could you reveal
how many words does it take to ruin the rest of your life
i wouldnt think it to be much
one photo
one sentence
one motive
ruins it all

ramble
ramble
ramble

im not sure about what homework im supposed to do for tomorow.
i guess its time to freak out.
we lost against kwethluk yesterday.
so now we're ranked number two
even though we've won more games than they have
and our record is more impressive than theirs is.
how dumb is that.
dont get me wrong
congrats to kweth
but i find the whole system...
wack.
i guess i dont feel like talking about it.
im suddenly out of words.
out of thoughts.
out off comments.
so im just gonna leave you hanging now.
im out.
[click]

whatever.

2008-03-02T02:43:00.000-08:00

i find myself pathetic.
for my own unexplainable reasons.
im scared of leaving this summer.
it seems as if the truth wont hit until i really have to face it.
death scares me.
life scares me.
i dont understand the point in life if all we're going to do is die again.
adam
eve
you two are pretty damned stupid.
i hate my inconsistency.
i should teach english
no i want to teach math
wait i want my own business
forget it ill go into geophysics.
i hate having to deal with the games people attempt to play with my mind
to drag out the emotions and the feelings
postpone the confessions for as long as possible.
cut the crap and tell me.
its no use just wasting my time.
its annoying how i cant make my shots during the game
defense i can do
offense just kills me.
i want out.
i get tired of being me
im not sure anymore of what i want to be
who i want to be
where i want to be
my image is too constantly changing
and always seems to give the wrong impression.
ultimate jock,
ultimate punk,
ultimate girl
[as of the present, i seem to be an ultimate girl]
this sarcasm seems to save me
i enjoy taking shelter in the unease i lay upon people
the bluntness ive begun to have the tendency to show
i like not wasting my words anymore
but i seem to be too overwhelming.
ive lost two people within this last year.
and more people that i knew.
its hard to deal with other peoples selfishness
their own desire to end it all
when you have to deal with your grandparent dying just the week before
i depress myself alot
that much is obvious
i get frustrated alot
that much has been shown
life isnt going so easily for me at the moment
yet i succeed at making it appear so
i wish i were one of those very few lucky people
who were able to balance everything out
and whose biggest problems were whether they'd get the lead part, or end up with second best.
im too hard on myself.
too hard on others.
too much of a procrastinating perfectionist.
theres no time for anything anymore.
change of plans infuriate me.
ramblings are just dumb.
but thats what im doing.
i really need my jalapeno chips.
but ive given them up for this past month
random.
random.
random.
i guess the only thing all of this has in common is that its all my bad qualities and complaints.
well whatever.
i still dont know why the heck you love me.

contradict yourself

2008-02-27T13:04:00.001-08:00

miniature dragons

purple tigers

frightening butterflies

condoling monsters

frozen lava

melted desks

solid skies

liquid fields

baby blue oranges

self-sufficient newborns

amazing boredom

apathetic drama

a relationship between rivals

the hydrophobe swimming the seven seas

create your own hipocrite

contradict your convictions

create tenuous expectations.

make none of it your own.

Make the Best of It?

2008-02-27T12:49:00.000-08:00

so i'm pretty tired of everything.

living within a nonexistent village

[yes, its pretty much nonexistent with not even 60 people in town]

not getting into bethel whenever i want to

trying to figure out how I'm going to get enough sleep

and dealing with people too obsessed with creating multiple dramatic scenes.

today isn't a good day.

i guess you can kind of tell.

well probably not.

i feel way out of it

careless.

apathetic.

I'm so sleepy.

I slept all day yesterday.

I felt sick.

I didn't go to ball practice.

I woke up before nine (pm)

and couldn't get back to sleep afterwards.

dumb.

I feel like yuck muck today.

I got stuck on my math quiz.

It took me more than an hour to figure out how i was going to solve number three.

and i finally found that the answer was way too easy.

which made me feel pretty... what's the word... not smart?

lol.

a few things to make today a little better [i guess]

my cousin is supposed to come over today

I haven't seen her in forever.

my mom is probably going to get more vanilla ice cream today

so ill probably be able to have plenty of banana milkshakes today :)

Im going to ball practice

that means i get to work out

yee haw?

I won't have homework.

i think.

aand. what else. i did laundry yesterday

so clean clothes for me,

whoo!

ahah.

funny.

Self Reflecting

2008-02-26T12:41:00.000-08:00

Im Faith.

people tend to assume that since that's my name, I'm all into in-your-face Christianity. It gets pretty frustrating. I actually went through an atheist phase while I was in Junior High just to prove all of the stereotypes wrong::: Just Because I'm Faith doesn't mean I'm ms. goody-two-shoes.

I'm really into sports. So much so that some of my muscle tends to freak people out

[my calves are huge, and my baby br

other thinks that my dad stuck plates in them whenever i flex them]

my dad says i have "bristol legs" [great grandparents last names]

I prefer the straightforward stuff

I like to think that I simply state facts

I'm not going to say anything that purposely makes you look stupid,

but I will mention all of my accomplishments and everything that I'm proud of

[in this case, my muscle :)]

Although I'm way into working out, I'm more of a girly girl than you would expect.

I love skirts and Dresses, I love makeup and shopping, and i absolutely love using high heels.

although I don't really get the chance to use heels or skirts since I live in a nonexistent village.

I'm supposed to be a sophomor

e, although all of my reading writing and math classes are in the 11th and 12th grade levels, so i pretty much just consider myself halfway to being a junior.

I'm working towards graduating next year.

I keep on changing my mind about what i want to go to college for

but one thing's for sure: i want to at least minor in becoming a math teacher.

Right now i'm looking into majoring in geophysics and studying geothermal energy, but who knows about whether or not that's going to change pretty soon.

I almost forgot to tell you that i'm 16. I'm pretty proud of that fact too... although i haven't even got my driver's permit yet.

I'm not full Yup'ik, or full German or French... I'm a little bit of everything i guess. Half Yup'ik with some russian here, some German there, and the faintest touch of French over there.

It gets pretty frustrating really, because when i'm in alaska, everyone thinks im full white, but while im in the lower 48, everyone else thinks im pure asian. talk about awkward. =D

I've got two amazing dogs -- Howler(she's a chick, not a dude) and Sir Lenny -- who are both huskies, one a malamute and one a siberian.

my brothers and i get along

amazingly well. i like to think that im the peacemaker in my family, since im in the absolute middle. [the oldest of 3 kids, the youngest of 3 "adults" =D]

I tend to get carried away with descriptions, i've noticed.

most of my blogs always end up in endless rambles and everything. it tends to annoy me a lot of the time. Anyway I've Pretty much run out of stuff to talk about. this is me, if you don't like it then deal with it. which reminds me - I'm not into mind games. just cut the junk and get to the point :)